Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
