We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
