who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
