i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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