I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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