I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
