awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
