I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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