she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
