I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
