Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
