this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
