i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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