we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
