I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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