tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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