i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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