I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
