Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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