Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
