The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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