I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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