he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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