just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
