Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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