Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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