Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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