Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
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they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
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he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt