Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa