I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
40s are totally the cure
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄