Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"