That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once