There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.