What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol