He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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