i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
