Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
