i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
