the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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