i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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