what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
