good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
