So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
