i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
