I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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