Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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