i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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