all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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