she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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