I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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