Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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