The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
