Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.