even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.