i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.