The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....