I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.