so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since