ugly people sure do ruin things
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
