Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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