U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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