Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
