Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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