Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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