Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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