my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
