dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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