Apparently you make a good broom.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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