the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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