Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
